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Boys First Time
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| The Wingman's Handbook Pt. 2? Wingman’s Creed W: Without hesitation, I’ll accept any mission given me, no matter how impossible it may seem I: I will never show interest in the target, even if it’s obvious she is much more interested in me N: No cock blocker is so beastly or boring that I will not aggressively engage her in stunning conversation G: Gallantly will I engage the enemy. No lie is too large, no shame too great, no cock blocker too gargantuan to deter me M: My personal reputation does not concern me, even though I become known far and wide as "The Beast Master" A: Always shall I be ready to back up whatever insanely monstrous lie my Flight Leader tells N: Never shall I abandon my Flight Leader. By any means necessary I will see the mission through, though it means waking up next to what is, for all practical purposes, a buffalo Know Your Cock Blockers Before you tip that throttle and rocket off the runway, it’s best to know what you’re up against. There are three types of CBs, namely: 1.) Cinderella’s Sister: This semi-attractive woman is secretly jealous of her more alluring friend and won’t want to see her hook up because she’s tired of being the bridesmaid. She’s an easy target for flattery, especially if you compare her favorably with her friend. Tagline: “Doesn’t she have great breasts? Too bad they’re fake.” 2.) Den Mother: She’s such a wonderful, responsible, caring person that she feels the need to watch over her “wild” friend and keep all the naughty boys at length. She’s been honing her CB skills since high school and knows all the tricks, but can be cracked with a “you should really let your friend live her own life, she’s all grown up now” attack. Tagline: “Come on, Sweety, you’ve had enough to drink and it’s time to go home.” 3.) Brumhilda: Tempered by the hot fires of spite and bitterness, she dislikes men in general, either because she’s been denied their attention or due to past romantic difficulties. She is the most dangerous CB because no amount of charm can flatter her into letting your FL fly off into the sunset with her friend. Only the most skilled and dogged of wingmen can neutralize her, usually by pretending he’s gay and equally bitter. Tagline: “Hey you. Yeah, you, a**hole. It’s girls’ night out. No men allowed. So why don’t you go play Hide and Go F**k Yourself?” Snapshot of a Flight Mission, Pt. 1: Target Sighted! FL: “I’m getting hella pinged by the redhead in the corner. I spy a solitary bogie. It’s gonna be a milk run.” WM: “Oh good. ‘Cuz after last time, my rep is a little ragged and—” FL: “Nix that recon! Two more bogies are buzzing on the peripheral.” WM: “Three bogies? It’s Pig Alley! And look at them! They’re all Brumhildas! I’ll be eaten alive!” FL: “That’s why I want you for this mission. You’re the best d**n shoot and scooter in the business.” WM: “I . . . I . . . I won’t do it. You can’t make me.” FL: “Godd**n you! I went kamikaze for you last week, didn’t I? Let me get you a banzai.” WM: (whimpering softly) “All right. All right.” FL: “Here’s how it’s going down: I’ll give you a one-minute lead in. You shoot and scoot like a motherf**ker, and for God sakes watch your six, heaven knows how many more CBs she brought with her. Give me the high sign when it’s safe for me to boom in, and once we attain air superiority, I’ll yank and bank with the betty. And let’s leave that clunky landing gear behind, shall we? You’re going to be eating a lot of flak and I don’t want it slowing you down.” WM: “Dude, you are going to so owe me.” Points to Remember After the BT has been reconned, it’s always best if the wingman goes in first. If he wings in with the FL, or after, it will smack of a setup. Once the wingman has successfully engaged the CB, the FL sweeps in, first making contact with the wingman, then turning his attention to the BT. The moment the conversation is rolling, the FL will want to focus fully on the BT, so the wingman should attempt to lure the CB to the dance floor, jukebox, pool table or bar. If the CB refuses to budge, the FL will attempt to “yank and bank” the BT well out of cock blocking range. A good wingman will accept the fact that he will most likely have to remain with the CB for the rest of evening, because once he breaks off the attack, the CB will make a beeline to the BT and try to shoot down the FL. Keeping the CB pinned down is not always easy. The wingman must use all his charms to keep her entertained; he must listen to psyche-grating life-stories, he will learn the names of all her cats and all their wonderful little quirks. And if need be, he will feign romantic interest. When closing time rolls around, a lesser wingman will wish his FL all the luck in the world and hightail it home. A good wingman, however, will carry on his mission even though it extends to someone’s domicile, knowing full well he will find himself deep in enemy airspace, and may be asked to make the ultimate sacrifice. |
| hilarious... I love the 3 types of cb's |
| Should Phil Mitchell for verisimilitude reasons become a true crackhead and rent out his body for crack? Even better let's have George Michael in the show. Here's the plot. Phil hits rock...get it...bottom and funds are so short round the flat that he has to bear butt to buy his £150 a day habit. He heads up West and hangs out at various parks known for frottaging and cubicles of cock fun amongst the gay milieu. George Michael playing Micheal George enters his life in more ways that one and they fall in love. Micheal George who is cast as a reclusive 80's boy pop star gone to seed opens up to Phil and gets him straightened out. However because Peggy would have Apoplexy if she knew her Phil was taking a length so they can't reveal their love. Dot Cotton would run them out of Walford firing words of fire and brimstone from her bible on the love that should not be. Meanwhile MIcheal George would be eye candy for the sisters at the Vic and Christian could get in on the act also as the love thwarted as recognising Phil's latent lust comes on to him over an English breakfast at the cafe. Just imagine the ratings going up and an injection of new Gay and Metro-sexual fans eager to at last see them take centre stage as Phil becomes the pin up boy for Bondage Masters and the lubricant lovers. This is just the synopsis for one weeks episode. Should I contact the BEEB and get them on my wave length. Phil can take care of the other length. |
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